Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
where are you?
Hypothermia
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
