We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
