shes about as inviting as chlamydia
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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