I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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