where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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