Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
