I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
