He uses pillows to masturbate.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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