Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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