is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
