Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
