Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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