dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
