i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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