Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
