I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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