I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
