Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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