A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
