How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
