She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
