I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
