Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Drunk is not a location!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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