I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
