if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
