I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
