hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't turn off my feet"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
