You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
