6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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