I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
