and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
