it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
