oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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