both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
