I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
