my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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