Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
