You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
