i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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