i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
