I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
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