I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
