i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
