there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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