I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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