My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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