The maid of honor just puked.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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