Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
