I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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