I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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