If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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