I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
