If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
