Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
