Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
