I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
