I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize