I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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