sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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