I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
