If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
