a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
