Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
