dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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