I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
