he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
