let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Send help, water and tortillas.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
